HELL HATH NO FURY....

1.


I know while i'm only thinking it, that very soon, I'm going to say it. A soft whisper inside my mind. Or out loud and clearly. You kiss me, and I can taste you. We're entwined and i'm soaking up your scent. Your hands run through my hair, and go down my back. You're giving me shivers. You're so cavalier about it, but you're giving me shivers. Your hands rest themselves on my waist, and you're holding me closer. I can feel your heart beating fast and I know mine feels like it's going to explode. I feel your warm breath on my neck. 
Shiver.
I know I shouldn't say it I know I don't want to There are so many complications I've been hurt before What if you don't say it back What if you don't feel it back What if I get hurt again But nothing matters right now save the fact that "I love you" I did it.


My head is spinning, and so is the room. But you're in front of me, and my universe shifts into focus.

Nothing else matters. Not right now.


2.


You taught me how to open my heart. And then you reminded me why I should keep it closed.
You were often clever and always casual about it. You smiled at me; that easy smile of yours that always made me want to smile with you. You looked into my eyes, deeper than i'd let anyone see before. I looked away briefly, afraid of the things you now knew, but you held your gaze and so I looked back. You held my hand and I knew I was falling and I knew I didn't want to stop myself and I knew I'd regret that later but heck it was beautiful just to hold your hand. So we held hands.

And when we kissed, we melted into each other, and I unlearnt all my learnings and assumed that your strong hands would pick me up some day, any day.

You kept me distracted and you gently lowered my veil, something that had taken me my entire life to hold up as a shield. Strong enough to ward off even those I can claim to have loved. You lowered it. It wasn't magic because it was happening. It was magic because I was letting it.

Magic.

That veil changed it all. You had the power to destroy my walls and you tore them down. Did you love the love that came with my vulnerability? Did you even really see it?
And now? Now the look in your eyes seems a tad unkind. Your hand pulls away more unthinkingly. Your smile is still achingly easy, but I know it's not for me. It's a far-away, distant smile. Tantalizingly close, and yet distant. Do you know what I mean? I know you do.

We made a little history in our short time frame. Now it's time that you walked away so I can rebuild. You opened me out until I bled every inch of feeling that I had inside of me. You do know what that would have been like? A surge of emotion, repressed and ugly, flooding my life, and gently wetting the few who are a true part of it. 
Do my waters even dampen the ends of your toes?


And to think it was magic.

Air

It's not going well.

Shut the door. Let's talk. Run around in circles before the dizziness takes over.

Will you be alright?

I'll light a cigarette, dim the lamp and watch your face in half a shadow's worth.

Is that alright?

The shadow diminishes as the you in you takes control.

Intimidating. Resonating.
Weak.

Do you want to sit closer? Shall I lean forward? People can hear us. Whisper.

I loved you once.

It didn't go well.

I must move away. Dizzy, dizzy. Circles. I must stop, get out. Help me, will you? Ensnared, I feel. An endless spiralling of musical illusions. Just think about it.

Is there anything you can do? Something you can say?

Open the door. We need air. Whisper, lest someone hear us.

We must whisper.

The twilight has caught your eye. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. We don't have time to waste. We don't have space to lend.

Gosh, you're beautiful.

Shut the door. Let's get to the point. Where were we? Yes. It wasn't going well.

Shall I turn on some music? Soft. Slow. Annihilating. Let it play. And replay. And then we'll rewind.

Like an old photograph, you're fading slowly. Bright and arousing, once. To toneless sepia.

Colourless.

It's not going well.

I need air.